The “Dumbass” Report


There’s something that’s so uncool about BACK SWEAT . . . it’s like, even if you’re not a slob, it temporarily turns you into one.  So this is a magnificently embarrassing way to get arrested. A 36-year-old guy from Oshawa, Ontario, Canada was at a hotel with his girlfriend this weekend and they got into a very loud fight.  The police wound up coming to their room to check it out. The guy let them in, and when he turned around, the cops spotted a bag stuck to his sweaty back.  It turned out to be a bag of CRYSTAL METH . . . which the guy clearly didn’t realize was stuck there. The cops searched the room and found more drugs and a knife.  His girlfriend also told them he’d threatened to kill her and burn down her mother’s house.

He was arrested for drug possession and making threats.
(Durham Region)

Cops in North Royalton, Ohio were driving past an apartment complex around 2:15 A.M. on Sunday, glennmcie-m1iwhen they noticed a Jeep parked in a handicapped spot. It didn’t have a handicapped plate, the lights shannonmulcahy-YiRwere on, and it was running . . . so the cops went over to check it out. And they found 27-year-old Glenn Mcie and 24-year-old Shannon Mulcahy having sex in the passenger seat.  He was bottomless, and she was totally naked. Their excuse for having sex in the handicapped spot?  Glenn said, quote, “When the mood hits you have to find a place to park.” They both seemed drunk and there was an open mason jar of MOONSHINE in the car.  Nothing says classy like getting drunk on moonshine and having sex in a car parked in a handicapped spot.

Glenn was arrested for operating a vehicle while intoxicated and public indecency, and Shannon was arrested for obstruction and public indecency.

This kid is definitely about to get kicked out of his parents’ house.  But DAMN did he go out in a blaze of glory.

A couple in Happy Valley, Oregon noticed $200 was missing from one of their nightstands this weekend, so they went over the footage from their surveillance cameras. And they saw a strange woman walk into the house on Sunday while their 18-year-old son Ethan Kwon was home alone, and leave eight minutes later.  Ethan told them he was in his room listening to music so he didn’t notice. But as the cops investigated, they found out the truth.  It turns out the thief was actually a PROSTITUTE . . . who young Ethan had hired while his parents were gone.

Now the “missing $200” and “eight minutes” makes a lot more sense, right?

Ethan has been charged with initiating a false report and patronizing a prostitute.

fish2-BKzInstead of just being cremated when you die, now you can have your ashes planted with a tree, to help it grow.  The idea is that you go back to you nature or something.  But this is WAY more badass . . . Three guys from England went on a fishing trip to Thailand last year.  Their names are Paul Fairbrass, Cliff Dale, and Ron Harper, and they’re all in their mid-60’s. And they were planning to go back again this month.  But unfortunately Ron was diagnosed with cancer, and passed away back in December. fish3-yzxBut while he was on his deathbed, he told them to go anyway.  And he asked them to scatter some of his ashes on the lake they went to last year.  But he also asked them to use some of his ashes as BAIT. Now, obviously you couldn’t catch much with just ashes.  So they mixed them with some sort of meat, and rolled it into little balls. And here’s the best part.  While they were using Ron as bait, they ended up catching one of the biggest fish that’s ever been caught in the area. It was a massive carp that weighed about 170 POUNDS, and they posted a few photos of it online. fish-HD2

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